Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
These tits shall not be calmed
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
