Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
