thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
