Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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