I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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