thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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