Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
