My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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