im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
