Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
