Its about making memories worth repressing
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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