WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
