Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You were trust falling into bushes
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
