did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize