I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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