I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
