I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize