Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
