I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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