You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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