she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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