How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
