Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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