Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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