words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
