Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
