what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
