If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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