Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
