So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
