billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
