Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
