That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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