Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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