he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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