I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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