Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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