So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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