So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
