I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
