it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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