Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
