ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize