I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think I died a long time ago.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize