Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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