I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
