I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
