dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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