I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
