It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
