If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
