Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She bit a glass in half.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
