apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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