some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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