explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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