Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
