No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
