Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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