Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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