In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just pee around me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize