I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
