finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
