cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
