I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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