Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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