Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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