Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
