I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
