you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
3 2 1 whiskey
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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